As I announced earlier today on twitter, I’ve decided to parlay my three decades of fast-paced consumption into the burgeoning Fast Food Consultation business. Cha ching.
So it’s time for the inaugural session. A reader writes:
What do you know about the Burger King Breakfast Bowl? I saw it advertised and was curious. As a regular breakfast eater, I wanted your fast food expertise to help me decide if I should add it to my list of morning options. Also, sausage is gross — is it available with bacon instead?
Erin Burke, Omaha NE
Hi Erin, thanks for writing. Honestly, I hadn’t even heard of the Burger King Breakfast Bowl until this question came up. I’ve heard plenty about Burger King’s new Egg McMuffin knockoff, but nothing about the bowl. Apparently it was added to the menu as a more profitable breakfast item to calm worried franchise owners.
I stopped in at my neighborhood Burger King this morning to give it a shot. I ordered the standard version, but I did check on the meat options. It turns out bacon substitution is not an option. The clerk informed me that they could add bacon, but they could not remove the sausage, as the ingredients were pre-combined.
Based on the picture, it looks like it would be pretty heavy on the scrambled eggs, but it was a pretty balanced mixture of eggs, seasoned potatoes, sausage and peppers. It was not unlike what you’d find in some kind of Perkins / Village Inn skillet-based breakfast.
Except it was terrible. The different flavors in this thing were battling each other. It reminded me of a particular lunch in fourth grade at Sheridan Elementary. It was “International Week” at the cafeteria, and one of the days was Sweet & Sour Pork Rice. It was the worst taste I had ever found in my mouth. I had one bite, wanted to puke, and never had any more of it for the rest of my life, yet here 24 years later I still remember how awful it was. This was the closest thing I’ve ever had to that taste (for the record, it took me about 15 years before I was brave enough to try Chinese food again).
Even more remarkable about this meal was that I didn’t even finish it. This might be the first time I haven’t finished a fast food meal since I was like two years old or something. And I was a really fat baby so I probably didn’t waste any food back then either. Once I got about halfway through this, I gave up hoping I’d like it, so I just dug through, picked out the little gray chunks of sausage and left the rest.
This is a bad, bad item, Erin. Do not eat it. In case my credentials are not clear, I say this as a fast food lover. I typically split my time fairly evenly between Burger King and McDonald’s (though McDonald’s has been edging out BK lately with their $1 large pop), so I have no predisposition against Burger King, and I think I probably narrowly prefer Burger King’s breakfast menu. But avoid the Breakfast Bowl. With any luck, it’ll be such a disaster that it’s off the menu in a month and you won’t be able to accidentally order it in a moment of panic (see: Cilantro & Lime Big Fish).
Thanks again for writing, Erin. I hope this helps your decision making process. And if any of you other people out there have questions about fast food menu items, send me an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will eat things for you.