A fictional resignation letter from George W Bush

Have you seen this? Some Bush supporter, apparently feeling victimized that the rest of the world can’t be forced to see things in the desired way, has crafted a hypothetical resignation speech from George W Bush.

I think the best part is that this is somehow supposed to build sympathy for the guy, or maybe convince defectors that they were wrong for losing faith in him when this his how one of his loyal supporters views the rest of the world.

Actual critics can’t even compete with this.

If Bush resigned today, this is what his speech would be…..

Normally, I start these things out by saying “My Fellow Americans”, not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don’t know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you’re really not fellow Americans any longer.

I’ll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution, let me assure you: There’s been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I’m quitting is simple. I’m fed up with you people. I’m fed up because you have no understanding of what’s really going on in the world. Or of what’s going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let’s start local. You’ve been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that’s despite record numbers of homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we’re mentioning minorities, I’ll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. I’ve mentioned all those things before, but it doesn’t sink in.

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there’s increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world.

Don’t give me this “blood for oil” crap. If I were trading blood for oil I would’ve already seized Iraq ‘s oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don’t give me this ‘Bush Lied; People Died’ crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could’ve easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be ‘discovered.’ Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Clinton established that policy. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.

That’s not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don’t care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That’d be fine, as long as they weren’t also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe. You should be grateful that they haven’t gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you’re not. That’s because you’ve got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I’m disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of ‘Survivor.’

Instead, you’ve grown impatient. You’re incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat’s political campaign, well, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it’s easy enough to find the truth. It’s all over the Internet, it just isn’t on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you’d be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you’re too stupid to leave a city that’s below sea level and has a Cat 5 hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your idiotic belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I’ve come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So, I quit. I’m going back to Crawford. I’ve got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I’m done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney’s quitting too.

That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it – you can have her. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that’s it.

God bless what’s left of America Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you – kiss my ass!

5 Responses to A fictional resignation letter from George W Bush

  1. B says:

    Neal, this was written about 2 years ago. Surprised you have JUST seen it. This is a true show of what people have done in tearing into this President day after day. He is yet–as shown by his State of the Union speech last night–extremely optimistic in the face of all the people who have Bush Derangement Syndrome–”BDS”. This speech is not to build sympathy, but to show how people have a sense of not being able to see the forrest for the trees. This President has had the MOST diverse Cabinet in the history of our country. He has reached across party lines more times than any other President in the last 100 years (remember Ted Kennedy wrote the No Child Left Behind Act–there are MANY more examples, we can get into that if you want to). This “hypothetical speech” is not an attempt to tell the defectors that they shouldn’t have lost faith in him or that WE have the warped view of the world. It is that the world has a warped view of us. When Bush was re-elected in 2004, a British newspaper said “how can 59 million Americans be so stupid” in response to the 59 million who voted for Bush. Who was outraged about that? I know I was…they are the ones who are stupid for thinking they know what’s better for our country than WE do. The fact that Congress’s approval rating is lower than the President–has been since the Democrats took over if not before, but if they were supposed to be so much better why hasn’t their approval rating gone up? I think the grid-lock that’s been created is a good thing for now because the majority of Democrats want to lead us into Socialism, and some Republicans want us to go to a laisais-faire (I know I spelled it wrong) economy. Neither one is good. The Checks and Balances work. Thank GOD for someone who stands by his decisions, and LEADS. THAT is what Bush has done!

    I really don’t like it when people degrade him. I never degraded Clinton. I didn’t like him. I didn’t agree with him as much, but he DID do some things I agreed with. Bush is similar in that I don’t agree with him all the time. More so than not, but he’s not perfect either. Can we not just agree to disagree and not degrade someone who is in THAT type of authority position?

  2. neal says:


    Maybe some loyal supporters felt it was time to start circulating again.

    Obviously this hypothetical speech was an attempt to tell the world it has a warped view of Bush and his supporters. No kidding. But it’s hate and paranoia only paints a clearer picture of the author than it does of his supposed audience.

    I’m a little surprised at the tone you take in your comment here, considering how the letter so boldly lashes out at anyone who dare question Bush — yet here you are in your comment acting like you and Bush are the victims. It’s that same old strategy that any bully uses.

    And as a footnote, you’re right – Congress’s approval rating is lower than Bush’s, which some decide to use as some kind of proof that the public supports Bush since they elected that Congress more recently. But that Congress has refused to stand up to Bush, and when they have, they can’t override his veto. So yeah, I’m not surprised that a Congress elected to undo his damage is receiving low marks for failing to do so.

  3. Bo Vandy says:

    Neal, you point out an important factor that the Media never hits on. Isn’t it possible that the 19% approval is because the Dems still don’t have enough votes to get the big stuff done, because they can’t override a veto?

    Sure there has also been a significant lack of spine shown by Pelosi and Reid, but when they do stand and and try to have a face off with Bush, like on the S-Chip bill, they don’t have the guns, they can’t override a certain veto, and the Bushites know it.

    I think intelligent moderates will see this, and increase the Dem lead in Congress come November. In no way, shape, or form is the 19% approval a vindication for the White House.

  4. neal says:

    Hiya Bo,

    I tried to respond to some of the superficial discussion of those ratings with this Omaha Reader cartoon from November. I have to confess to beating that same drum for a while.

  5. Andrew Yu-Jen Wang says:

    Speaking of George W. Bush:

    George W. Bush committed hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism (indicated in my blog).

    George W. Bush did in fact commit innumerable hate crimes.

    And I do solemnly swear by Almighty God that George W. Bush committed other hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism which I am not at liberty to mention.

    Many people know what Bush did.

    And many people will know what Bush did—even to the end of the world.

    Bush was absolute evil.

    Bush is now like a fugitive from justice.

    Bush is a psychological prisoner.

    Bush has a lot to worry about.

    Bush can technically be prosecuted for hate crimes at any time.

    In any case, Bush will go down in history in infamy.

    Submitted by Andrew Yu-Jen Wang
    B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
    Messiah College, Grantham, PA
    Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993

    I am not sure where I had read it before, but anyway, it is a linguistically excellent statement, and it goes kind of like this: “If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memory so it never got stale and faded.” Oh wait—off the top of my head—I think the quotation came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.

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