The tournament so far: Introduction | Local Qualifier | Regional Qualifier | Round 1 | Round 2

McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish
The first thing I thought when opening the cardboard box was “This looks small.” And compared to its fish sandwich peers, it probably is smaller than most.

The Filet-o-Fish is about as minimal as you can get and still be a fish sandwich. McDonald’s has reduced the fish sandwich concept to its most basic and necessary elements and perfected them. I couldn’t help but think that the Filet-o-Fish was how Apple would make a fish sandwich — it boasts a clean design with lines that are strong but smooth. The bun is so spherical it almost seems unreal. I don’t know what it is about it, but eating it is a unique experience that other fish sandwiches have been unable to duplicate to this point.

But like Apple products, the Filet-o-Fish is subject to some of the same criticisms. One could reasonably argue it’s overpriced compared to similar sandwiches (the combo hovers right around $5). I’ve long relied on the Filet-o-Fish as my Lent sandwich of choice, but the existence of this tournament shows that I’ve begun second-guessing my brand loyalty.

Hardee’s Beer Battered Fish Supreme
My experience with the Beer Battered Fish Supreme was a roller coaster of expectations and satisfaction. I think I was a little harsh toward Hardee’s on my KLIN interview yesterday (my only comment was that my wife feared for my safety). Hardee’s seems to take pride in fried gluttony, and I commonly experience gut rot after visiting. This is the place with a menu that features a sandwich called the “Six Dollar Burger” for four dollars as well as a different burger that costs six dollars. So I was kind of worried about what their fish sandwich offering would be. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was a double-fillet with bacon and ranch or something.

But then I walked up to the building and saw the window poster for the “Beer Battered Fish Supreme” and I got excited. Something about that name broadcast “This sandwich is awesome and it knows it.” I was also pleased to discover that the combo was only a little bit more than $5. Riding high.

Then I got the sandwich. It looked small and not nearly as proud as the sandwich I met in the giant photo. Back down. Then I took a bite of the sandwich. Back up.

I am going to try to get some independent confirmation of this, but I’m pretty sure that the Beer Battered Fish Supreme has a wheat bun. I don’t think I’ve ever had a fast food sandwich with a wheat bun. I told my wife and she replied “Ah, so it’s healthy.” It’s either a wheat bun or it’s dirty, but I’m convinced it’s wheat.

And here’s the thing — the wheatiness of the bun gave this sandwich a nice, homemade taste whereas otherwise it could’ve easily fallen into the “Boringly interchangeable” category. The standard rectangular fillet is accompanied by a single large piece of iceberg lettuce, a slice of cheese and tartar. But they complement each other very well.

My main problem when eating the sandwich was that there was maybe too much tartar. It compromised the structural integrity of the Fish Supreme — the fillet would commonly start to slide out of the bun. Now normally, when I’m eating a structurally unstable fast food sandwich, I’ll get annoyed, put it down and start eating fries. But with the Fish Supreme, I would simply stop, apply one finger and slide the fillet back in place because I wanted to keep eating it.

The experience took another dip throughout the next half hour or so when I could feel the Beer Battered Fish Supreme adjusting to its new home in my abdomen. Nothing extreme happened, but there was a little bit of discomfort.

The verdict
This was a lot closer than I expected it to be. I was fully prepared for McDonald’s to just slide right past Hardee’s on its path toward bracket domination. But honestly, as I sat there and ate my Filet-o-Fish, I couldn’t help but think that this thing was so standardized in its composition, virtually crying out “mass production,” that it actually got kind of boring by the end — and it’s not a very big sandwich, though it is a little cheaper than the Beer Battered Fish Supreme.

I was reluctant to pick Hardee’s. I couldn’t help but think back to the Local Qualifier when I took Bronco’s Fishwich over Don & Millie’s — I rewarded the novelty and punished the adequate, but I ended up regretting it in later contests, thinking maybe I should’ve stuck with the sandwich that played it safe.

But if there was a lesson to be learned, I haven’t learned it. This is my quest to find the best fast food fish sandwich for my future Lenten Fridays. No matter which ‘wich wins, I’m sure I’ll visit McDonald’s during Lent again. Hardee’s Beer Battered Fish Supreme has earned the right to continue on.