My Breakup Letter to the 40th & Dodge McDonald’s

Posted by neal

The 40th & Dodge McDonald’s and I have a long history together. When I moved to Omaha in 2006, it became my new cartooning office. I’d load up my newspapers and head down there to crank out my sketches for the day. Most of my greatest “Witnessed” sketches — like this one, this one, this one and this one — took place there.

Over time, I began cartooning at other places, but that was still my favorite. So it was with a heavy heart that I sent this customer feedback through McDonalds.com last week:

I consistently have terrible experiences at the 40th & Dodge McDonald’s, but I keep coming back because it’s convenient and it was my first favorite McD’s in Omaha. I have this strange emotional attachment to it, dating back to when I first moved to town. It’s always filthy and my order is always messed up, even when really simple (for example, two weeks ago I ordered a $1 sausage breakfast burrito. I got the more expensive McSkillet burrito. Instead of correcting the order, the staff just told me how underrated the McSkillet is). But I still came back! It had charm.

But not anymore. Last week I was there for lunch, and a man stood at the drink station and washed his face and hair in the water dispenser. He was leaning in, head under the spout, washing off. It’s disgusting on its own, but what made it unforgivable was the fact that a manager was standing right there, refilling the napkins and straws. Didn’t say a word. I know I should’ve said something, but I was shocked by the whole scene.

I used to have fun in the Foursquare battle to be mayor of that location. I think I’m still mayor now. But I’m never going back. This was the straw that broke the filthy, cluttered, poor-listening camel’s back. So I just thought you should know — if this location has gotten so awful that its Foursquare mayor is giving up on it, I can’t be the only one.

I do not want or need anything in response to this. I’m still a happy McDonald’s customer. I still frequent other locations in town. But I’m done at 40th & Dodge.

As I told them, I didn’t want or need anything in response. The last thing I wanted was a coupon or something redeemable only at that location. “Come see how we’ve stopped letting people bathe in our drink station and have a Big Mac on us!” But I was kind of hoping they’d call or send an e-mail.

I still hold the mayor crown even though I haven’t been there in almost two weeks. Whoever wants it, it’s yours.

Subway Breakfast

Posted by neal

Reader Matt writes:

Neal,

Like many people, I enjoy a good sandwich, and Subway restaurants have never let me down. Seeing as they now offer breakfast, would you be so kind as to try one of these Subway breakfast sandwiches and share your experience? I am most interested in the Western Egg White Muffin Melt I see advertised, but I welcome any input and value your choice in sandwich to review.

Matt

I need to start off by acknowleding that Matt asked this question almost a month ago and I’m just now getting around to answering it. My apologies, Matt. What started out as good intentions — wanting to try multiple combinations in order to give Matt a very thorough response — ended up getting way too drawn out. But not all of this was my fault. I discovered that some Subways aren’t open for breakfast. Others are open, but they’re drive-through only during breakfast hours. And for some reason, I felt like the sandwiches would be best judged by ordering at the counter o’ ingredients and consuming it there in the restaurant.

So my first bit of advice — if you want to sit and eat your breakfast sandwich inside the Subway restaurant, go to one that doesn’t include a drive through. My best luck in the Omaha metro was with the Dundee location and the one just northwest of 76th and Dodge.

Western Egg White Muffin Melt
egg_muffinThis was the sandwich that most captured Matt’s imagination, so I wanted to try it first. As someone who is used to ordering my McGriddle or Sausage Biscuit sandwich off the menu with no questions asked, I was caught a little off-guard by how customizable these sandwiches are. It’s great for the picky, but somewhat tricky for the reviewer who wants to review something general enough so as to be able to comment more on the sandwich than on his or her individual preferences.
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Burger King Breakfast Bowl

Posted by neal

As I announced earlier today on twitter, I’ve decided to parlay my three decades of fast-paced consumption into the burgeoning Fast Food Consultation business. Cha ching.

So it’s time for the inaugural session. A reader writes:

Hey Neal,
What do you know about the Burger King Breakfast Bowl? I saw it advertised and was curious. As a regular breakfast eater, I wanted your fast food expertise to help me decide if I should add it to my list of morning options. Also, sausage is gross — is it available with bacon instead?
Thanks!
Erin Burke, Omaha NE

Hi Erin, thanks for writing. Honestly, I hadn’t even heard of the Burger King Breakfast Bowl until this question came up. I’ve heard plenty about Burger King’s new Egg McMuffin knockoff, but nothing about the bowl. Apparently it was added to the menu as a more profitable breakfast item to calm worried franchise owners.

I stopped in at my neighborhood Burger King this morning to give it a shot. I ordered the standard version, but I did check on the meat options. It turns out bacon substitution is not an option. The clerk informed me that they could add bacon, but they could not remove the sausage, as the ingredients were pre-combined.

Based on the picture, it looks like it would be pretty heavy on the scrambled eggs, but it was a pretty balanced mixture of eggs, seasoned potatoes, sausage and peppers. It was not unlike what you’d find in some kind of Perkins / Village Inn skillet-based breakfast.

Except it was terrible. The different flavors in this thing were battling each other. It reminded me of a particular lunch in fourth grade at Sheridan Elementary. It was “International Week” at the cafeteria, and one of the days was Sweet & Sour Pork Rice. It was the worst taste I had ever found in my mouth. I had one bite, wanted to puke, and never had any more of it for the rest of my life, yet here 24 years later I still remember how awful it was. This was the closest thing I’ve ever had to that taste (for the record, it took me about 15 years before I was brave enough to try Chinese food again).

Even more remarkable about this meal was that I didn’t even finish it. This might be the first time I haven’t finished a fast food meal since I was like two years old or something. And I was a really fat baby so I probably didn’t waste any food back then either. Once I got about halfway through this, I gave up hoping I’d like it, so I just dug through, picked out the little gray chunks of sausage and left the rest.

This is a bad, bad item, Erin. Do not eat it. In case my credentials are not clear, I say this as a fast food lover. I typically split my time fairly evenly between Burger King and McDonald’s (though McDonald’s has been edging out BK lately with their $1 large pop), so I have no predisposition against Burger King, and I think I probably narrowly prefer Burger King’s breakfast menu. But avoid the Breakfast Bowl. With any luck, it’ll be such a disaster that it’s off the menu in a month and you won’t be able to accidentally order it in a moment of panic (see: Cilantro & Lime Big Fish).

Thanks again for writing, Erin. I hope this helps your decision making process. And if any of you other people out there have questions about fast food menu items, send me an e-mail to nealo@nealo.com. I will eat things for you.

The Long-Delayed Conclusion to the Lent 2010 Fast Food Fish Sandwich Tournament

Posted by neal

The tournament so far: Introduction | Local Qualifier | Regional Qualifier | Round 1 | Round 2 | Round 3 | Round 4 | Round 5 | Round 6

Back in the late 1990s, I’d heard a rumor about an abandoned farm house deep in the wooded area just down the hill from the legendary Belltower House, another abandoned farmhouse southeast of Auburn. The Belltower’s legend came from its numerous late night ghost stories, surely fueled by excessive teenage consumption of alcohol, but also its architectural magnificence. An old book I found at the State Historical Society identified the Belltower House as one of the finest examples of neo-gothic architecture in the midwest, and that was in the 1950’s. By the 1990’s, the house’s arched windows, sliverishly acute peaks, spiral staircase and lookout tower were that much more amazing, especially considering the condition in which the house stood long after it had been abandoned.

But everyone knew about the Belltower House. It sat maybe 30 feet from the road in plain view. And as spooky as it was, I quickly had my favorite Belltower ghost story not for what it said about the house, but what it said about the surroundings.

Classmates and locals would tell the story of the ghost of a woman who would walk up and down the hill from the Belltower House to the house at the bottom of the hill. I’d ask some variation of “What house at the bottom of the hill?” Nobody really knew or cared, because the important part of the story was the ghost lady. Nobody I knew of really went down the hill, because all that was down there was a thick wooded area and some rickety old bridges.
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Weekend Update

Posted by neal

First thing — the show last night was a blast. Thanks to everyone who came out. I got to see a lot of friends and meet a lot of people — including some folks who had been following this work for years, which was very flattering. If you didn’t have a chance to make it, the cartoons and other work are still there through April 17. There are about two dozen original cartoons from the Daily Nebraskan, Journal Star and Omaha Reader, a few dozen prints of cartoons from over the years, some comic books of my two 24 Hour Comics, some pages from the Poe story I did last year, and finished versions of six of my favorite rejects.

Secondly — there’s been a snag in the Lent 2010 Fast Food Fish Tournament Last Supper! “Who won?” was probably the most commonly asked question last night. My plan was to eat Hardee’s at lunch yesterday and Runza at dinner, but there was so much to get done before the show last night that I didn’t have time to eat dinner at all. So the final round is hanging in limbo until I can get to Runza, which won’t be until Monday as I am out of Runza’s jurisdiction due to Easter family travels.

I thought it would be funny to just say “Oh hey, I couldn’t get to Runza on Good Friday, so the tournament is canceled.” But that would probably be kind of a letdown. So I’m going to make it happen.

Although while typing this, it just occurred to me that Runza’s fish sandwich might be a Lent-only special, in which case it might be gone by Monday. Looks like it’s going to be a race against the clock to get back into town early enough Sunday night to get to a Runza before closing time. I still think it would be kind of funny if this tournament of misery ended with such an anticlimactic thud, but I promise to do my best to give it a proper conclusion.

Previewing the Last Supper

Posted by neal

Today marks the end of the Lent 2010 Fast Food Fish Sandwich Tournament. The Hardee’s Beer Battered Fish Supreme (2-0) takes on the Runza Fish Sandwich (3-0). By this time tomorrow, there will be a champion.

In a comment earlier this week, my friend Neill asked if I was surprised by this matchup. Honestly, yes. Not only did I fully expect McDonald’s and Burger King to be facing off here at the end, Runza and Hardee’s were two of the last fast food places I’d expect to come anywhere near the final. I expected to be grossed out by both sandwiches just based on recent experiences at their respective homes. But both sandwiches have done a great job of doing the traditional things well while also adding their own unique twists, and I can honestly say, if I’m still Catholic by this time next year, I’ll be eating both.

The sequence will keep things interesting. Because my art show is in Lincoln tonight, and Hardee’s doesn’t have any locations there anymore, Hardee’s gets the lunch slot, and Runza will be at dinner. As I’ve mentioned before, the lunch slot has appeared to be a huge advantage, almost always guaranteeing victory. Almost — the Runza fish sandwich has been the only one throughout the entire tournament to break that pattern.

The first heat is only an hour away.

Round 6: Hardee’s vs Arby’s

Posted by neal

The tournament so far: Introduction | Local Qualifier | Regional Qualifier | Round 1 | Round 2 | Round 3 | Round 4 | Round 5

We’re so close. This was the conclusion to the semifinals, defining the matchup for the Last Supper. But first thing’s first!

Hardee’s Beer Battered Fish Supreme
Once again, Hardee’s impressed me with the wheat bun and big lettuce leaves. I said it before and I’ll say it again, this sandwich just looks and tastes homemade, and I say that as a good thing even for someone who prefers fast food sandwiches over homemade sandwiches.

There’s not much more to say that I didn’t say last time, other than the fact that the fillet was much better this time. Hardee’s had previously been in the “heavily fried to the point of hard crusty fillet” category, which I later concluded was responsible for tastiness but also post-lunch gutrotting sensations. This particular outing found that the fillet had a similarly hard exterior — which helped maintain fillet stability — without that “overly fried” effect. So somehow, Hardee’s managed to preserve the taste and structural benefits of the hard exterior without the negatives.

About 2/3 of the way through this sandwich, I was thinking “The structural integrity of this sandwich sure is holding up well,” recalling how the fillet slid out from between the bun halves last time I was there. Immediately, the fillet slid out from between the bun halves.

Structural integrity is important to me, but there are two main ways in which a sandwich can fall apart — one is to crumble in to several pieces, and the other is to have the fillet slide out. If I had to choose a way for my sandwich to disassemble, I’d choose the latter. So this problem, while somewhat annoying, could be worse. It’s pretty easy to put this thing back together.
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