If Man is Five: Celebrating the 7th Anniversary of the Bearded Odyssey

Posted by neal

Seven years ago, it was safe to say I was a little lost.

I had moved back to Nebraska from San Diego in the fall of 2002 to quickly get my master’s degree. The plan was that I’d finish it in three semesters and then move back to San Diego to reunite with my girlfriend of several years, whom I had left behind. But then things kind of got messed up. We broke up that spring, so I had nothing to move back to. And then budget cuts loomed at the University, and I kept hearing a (never-substantiated) rumor that if the Journalism college faced cuts, my assistantship would be one of the first things eliminated.

So when the summer rolled around, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or what I was working toward anymore. I didn’t know what awaited me after graduation, much less what awaited me in August. So I did what anyone else would do. I channeled my despair and lack of direction by packing up my car, driving around the United States, trying to have adventures and trying even harder to grow a beard. And if I learned anything or grew as a person or figured out my place in the world or whatever, that would be great too. The best part was that my friend Derek Lippincott was the editor of the summer Daily Nebraskan, and he gave my life a little bit of purpose by letting me write about these adventures for the paper.

Over the course of this summer, as a tribute to 2003, I’m going to re-run the original Bearded Odyssey columns in director’s-cut format — including stories that had to be trimmed, an adventure that never saw print and photos that never ran. They’ll run in the same weeks they ran originally, with the official intro debuting on June 8. Here is Editor Lippincott himself to kick it off: Continue reading →

The shamefully late Top 10 13 rejects of the month: April

Posted by neal

Believe it or not, at the end of April I sat down and wrote out what my Top 10 rejects were going to be. Then I kept the paper in my pocket for whenever I was going to have a minute to post them. Then I took it out of my pocket and lost it. I could’ve done something simple like re-rank them, but instead, I waited until the paper and I were in the same place with a few minutes to spare. And to hopefully atone for the tardiness, I’m throwing in three bonus rejects.

13.
wwe arena

12.
ben nelson main street warren buffett
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Evolution of a cartoon idea

Posted by neal

I mentioned in a response to commenter Nathan that I was going to blog about the evolution of the idea behind this past Sunday’s cartoon. And then I forgot for a few days.

But anyway, here was my first take on the topic:

I thought it suffered a little from having two points that were kind of competing for attention — 1) barbarism begins at home, and 2) we have some high-profile anti-Mexican politicians in the state. It also relied a little too heavily on a public school-criticizing straw man. So I moved on. Continue reading →

Show re-opening tonight

Posted by neal

goodfriday2

The no-longer appropriately titled “Good Friday, Better Art” is held over for May at Handmade Modern, and the re-opening is tonight. For more details, check out last month’s post on the opening. We won’t have food and booze there tonight, but I’ll be around if you want to get a print or book signed.

Photo by Greg Blobaum, used by permission. Check out more of Greg’s work at his blog.

Tomorrow night is the final robot show

Posted by neal

I ended up spending probably around 15 hours putting together the finale episode of “Ro Ro Ro Your Bot,” which finally gives my KRNU career the proper ending it deserved. It ended up being four hours long, includes four different robot dance parties, has guest stars, time-traveling, laser battles, the death of a major character and a love story. It’s probably largely due to how tired I am, but parts of it brought tears to my eyes.

It references past episodes, going back five years to the original robot show, as if anyone pays as much attention to this stuff as I do. It is simultaneously beautiful and unlistenable, magnificent and obnoxious, and perhaps the most self-indulgent science fiction dance music radio show ever.

It’s like a four hour symbol of every emotion I’ve ever felt, every success and every failure, using a robot’s desire for radio domination as the vehicle for life’s lessons. It is a tribute to the joys of adolescence, the pain of young adulthood and the peace of maturity. It’s also about the power of pop music to simultaneously capture a moment and a lifetime.

It is the greatest thing I have ever made.

If you find yourself with nothing to do from 9pm to 1am Friday night, check it out. 90.3 KRNU, streaming online at krnu.unl.edu.

Burger King Breakfast Bowl

Posted by neal

As I announced earlier today on twitter, I’ve decided to parlay my three decades of fast-paced consumption into the burgeoning Fast Food Consultation business. Cha ching.

So it’s time for the inaugural session. A reader writes:

Hey Neal,
What do you know about the Burger King Breakfast Bowl? I saw it advertised and was curious. As a regular breakfast eater, I wanted your fast food expertise to help me decide if I should add it to my list of morning options. Also, sausage is gross — is it available with bacon instead?
Thanks!
Erin Burke, Omaha NE

Hi Erin, thanks for writing. Honestly, I hadn’t even heard of the Burger King Breakfast Bowl until this question came up. I’ve heard plenty about Burger King’s new Egg McMuffin knockoff, but nothing about the bowl. Apparently it was added to the menu as a more profitable breakfast item to calm worried franchise owners.

I stopped in at my neighborhood Burger King this morning to give it a shot. I ordered the standard version, but I did check on the meat options. It turns out bacon substitution is not an option. The clerk informed me that they could add bacon, but they could not remove the sausage, as the ingredients were pre-combined.

Based on the picture, it looks like it would be pretty heavy on the scrambled eggs, but it was a pretty balanced mixture of eggs, seasoned potatoes, sausage and peppers. It was not unlike what you’d find in some kind of Perkins / Village Inn skillet-based breakfast.

Except it was terrible. The different flavors in this thing were battling each other. It reminded me of a particular lunch in fourth grade at Sheridan Elementary. It was “International Week” at the cafeteria, and one of the days was Sweet & Sour Pork Rice. It was the worst taste I had ever found in my mouth. I had one bite, wanted to puke, and never had any more of it for the rest of my life, yet here 24 years later I still remember how awful it was. This was the closest thing I’ve ever had to that taste (for the record, it took me about 15 years before I was brave enough to try Chinese food again).

Even more remarkable about this meal was that I didn’t even finish it. This might be the first time I haven’t finished a fast food meal since I was like two years old or something. And I was a really fat baby so I probably didn’t waste any food back then either. Once I got about halfway through this, I gave up hoping I’d like it, so I just dug through, picked out the little gray chunks of sausage and left the rest.

This is a bad, bad item, Erin. Do not eat it. In case my credentials are not clear, I say this as a fast food lover. I typically split my time fairly evenly between Burger King and McDonald’s (though McDonald’s has been edging out BK lately with their $1 large pop), so I have no predisposition against Burger King, and I think I probably narrowly prefer Burger King’s breakfast menu. But avoid the Breakfast Bowl. With any luck, it’ll be such a disaster that it’s off the menu in a month and you won’t be able to accidentally order it in a moment of panic (see: Cilantro & Lime Big Fish).

Thanks again for writing, Erin. I hope this helps your decision making process. And if any of you other people out there have questions about fast food menu items, send me an e-mail to nealo@nealo.com. I will eat things for you.

Top 10 13 rejects of the month: March

Posted by neal

Last month’s rejects were dominated by cartoons about the prenatal care controversy, so I threw in some extras.

I still can’t believe that’s blown over so quickly. Unborn babies are denied medical care here because there mothers are Mexicans, and this wannabe “pro-life” state has just moved on. Nebraska Right to Life has already punished Governor Heineman by giving him their endorsement. Makes me sick.

13. This one was actually invalidated before I had a chance to run it by my editor. It was rejected by destiny.
lincoln arena epa testing

12.
dinosaurs extinct
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