In celebration of the 7th anniversary of the Bearded Odyssey, I am re-running the series throughout the summer. This chapter was originally published in The Daily Nebraskan on July 13, 2003.

Of all my friends who might accidentally shoot me, it’d probably be Brian.

I was going to be passing through Eugene, Ore., on my way up to Portland and I wanted to visit the guy. Problem was, he had canceled his phone service, so I had no way of contacting him to tell him I was coming or to find out where he lived.

I called our mutual friend Matt, who had just moved to Nebraska from Eugene. I explained the situation to him and asked him if he knew any solutions.

He told me the directions to Brian’s house and a little secret: Brian leaves his window open a crack, so you can slide it open, reach in, and unlock the door. I could sneak into Brian’s apartment and he would have no idea I was going to be there.

I was a little nervous about this. If I came home to find someone in my apartment, I would be freaked out. And Brian has a history of displaying a bit of a temper on occasion. He grew up with his dad out in the country. They had rifles. So I asked Matt, “Does he have a gun?”

“I don’t think so,” was his offering of assurance.

Matt told me Brian gets off work about 4:30 p.m., so I timed my arrival to Eugene so I could find Brian’s place and get inside by about 4. I parked my car a few blocks away to prevent my cover from being blown, found the apartment with the open window, and easily made my way inside.

Matt had this great idea for me to stop by a thrift store and buy a cheerleader’s outfit, so Brian could find me sitting there in costume. That seemed nice and funny and all, but in the event that I was going to be shot and killed, I didn’t want my dear mom to hear I was found dead dressed as a cheerleader. That would just take too much explaining, and the person who would need to do the explaining would be dead. In a cheerleader’s outfit.
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